


Your Eyes

by milena_writesalot



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1970s, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Closeted Dean, Disappearance, Europe, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Missing Castiel, Mystery, country life, farm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:55:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23218132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milena_writesalot/pseuds/milena_writesalot
Summary: "In summer, Dean met the most amazing blue eyed boy he had ever seen before.By the time winter comes, he is trying to cope with the idea that he might never see him again."Dean is teenage boy living with his family in a small European town during the 1970s. He lives a simple and happy life, until a certain boy rocks his entire world upside down. He has the best summer of his life, but after the mysterious disappearance of that special boy, he has to face the worst winter he has ever lived.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Summer

**Author's Note:**

> This story is told in two different moments, in the "Summer" chapters, when Dean and Cas meet, and then in the "Winter" chapters, when Dean experiences life without Castiel, and everyone is looking for the blue eyed boy.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I absolutely adored writing every bit of this story, and your comments and kudos are more than welcomed.
> 
> -Milena

The summer sun shined in the morning sky as the town woke up. 

The florist turned around the sign at the door of her shop to say  _ We’re open _ .

The houses slided their curtains and opened their windows.

The baker opened the door of the bakery and made the little bell sound.

It was a peaceful summer morning. And then a scream was heard through the entire street.

The baker turned around in time to see a boy rushing down the street on his bike with a huge smile on his face, screaming his way down just as if he was on a roller coaster. Behind, his older brother followed.

‘Hello, Mr Johanns!’ screamed the boy happily as he passed by on his green bike.

‘Good morning, Sam’ he answered returning the smile ‘Dean’.

The older boy nodded towards him, ‘Morning, sir’ he said before rushing after his brother in his bigger, black bike.

Sam had stopped at the end of the street waiting for Dean, and just as the other arrived the ten-year-old shouted at him ‘I won!’.

Dean laughed and messed up his hair ‘You are getting fast, uh Sammy?’, Sam laughed with him.

‘Come on, I race you to the park’ he said before getting his feet on the bike again and started pedaling fast.

He heard Sam trying to follow him immediately. ‘Hey!’ he complained, not being able to go as fast as him. Dean laughed a little.

Summer was great; no school, no homework. The cold didn’t bother him that much, but being able to ride his new bike without the twenty-two layers of sweaters his mother made him wear during winter, was great. He was enjoying his vacations so far, and Sam had been stuck to his side since they had started, Dean was enjoying that too. 

He could tell Sammy was almost out of breath when they made it to the park, of course the little stubborn would never admit so.

‘Dean, look!’

Dean stopped, looking at where Sammy was pointing excitedly. 

‘The Market?’ he asked.

‘There’s a woman there who makes the best cookies in the  _ whole _ town!’

‘It’s not a very big town’ Dean muttered, but Sammy was looking at him with those big puppy eyes he had mastered over the years, Dean couldn’t deny him anything when he made that face. He sighed ‘Fine, let’s go get you some cookies’.

The Market had been there ever since Dean could remember, while they got closer, he started to see the stalls better.  _ The Market _ was the name that most people had given to the street market that was held in the park during summer, people went there to sell mainly food, but there also were some crafts and antiques. Dean loved it when he was a child, he would ask his mother to come every summer; the endless line of stalls with weird stuff to see, tasty food to try… it fascinated him. Now he had got used to the Market and it wasn’t as thrilling.

‘Here’ Dean said stopping next to a tree near the first stalls. Sam got out of his bike and left it next to the tree.

Everybody knew everybody in town, and he had heard about something being stolen there once in his entire life. Still, he noticed a familiar uniformed man next to a table filled with cakes.

‘Bobby!’ He called out. Bobby turned to them and waved ‘Can you keep an eye on them for us?’ he said looking at the bikes.

‘Sure, boys’ He answered before taking a huge bite to the piece of cake in his hands.

Bobby had always been an usual visitor of the Market, to be honest, Dean didn’t blame him; there weren’t many things to worry about in that little town, especially during summer, even if Bobby was the police chief.

Dean led Sammy inside the Market, and the younger boy ran in between the stalls looking at everything but not stopping anywhere.

‘Wait!’ Dean called when he saw his little brother going too fast, but Sam didn’t listen, and just kept going. He sighed, Sam was a smart kid, he wouldn’t get lost, so he just let him be.

He wandered around looking at the different tables, so far he had seen lots of vegetables, some homemade jams, and some apples he planned on buying so his mother could bake him a pie when they went home.

The town was in the middle of the countryside, and the Market was the perfect place for farmers to show their products. Even if they weren’t from town, Dean found everyone familiar there.

Or so he thought, and then he heard:

‘Thank you, sir’

That voice.

That voice he  _ didn’t  _ knew.

He turned around, there was a man in the stall in front of him, taking a bag of grain from the hands of a boy.

Dean stared at him, he had never seen him there before. He looked around his age, tall, but not as much as him, and with black hair.

Maybe he had stared for a little too long, because as soon as the buyer was gone, the boy’s eyes landed on him.

Those eyes.

Those eyes he had  _ never _ seen before. 

They stared at each other for a couple of seconds, Dean couldn’t bring himself to stop looking at those blue eyes…

‘¿Dean?’

He blinked a couple of times and looked down, Sammy was looking at him as if saying  _ what the hell are you doing? _

‘I… uh…’ Blue Eyes was still looking at him, frowning ‘I wanted to… to-’ He looked at Blue Eye’s table ‘I wanted to buy some cheese!’ he said going closer.

There were lots of cheese on the table, and Dean didn’t have a clue of what each of them actually were.

‘I want uh… this one’ He said pointing at a random piece of cheese. ‘Please’ he added.

‘Okay’ Blue Eyes answered. His voice was deep and soft, Dean wanted to hear it again.

He wrapped Dean’s cheese in a piece of paper and handed it to him, telling him the price.

As soon as he had paid, Blue Eyes turned around to put away the money, but Dean wanted to hear his voice again before he left, to see his amazing eyes again, so he added, maybe a little too desperately:

‘Thank you!’

Blue Eyes turned towards him, he looked a little scared, and replied awkwardly:

‘Thank  _ you _ ’ 

And finally turned away from him.

_ That was awful _ he thought before walking away. Sam was giving him his  _ what the hell was that _ face again.

‘Shut up’ Dean muttered before continuing walking.

**~**

The next day, Dean found himself waking up earlier than the day before, the sun had just started to rise when he got into the bathroom to take a shower, he didn’t want to lose any time.

And then he was running down-stairs to the kitchen.

‘Dean?’ his mother, Mary, said ‘You’re up early today’.

‘Yeah’ 

He grabbed a piece of bread from the table, and tried to leave when he heard his dad.

‘Where are you going?’ he asked from his place on the table.

‘Uh… to the Market’

‘The park market?’ Mary said.

‘Yeah, you know… you always say the food there is better, right? M-More fresh or something’

Both his parents stared at him confused.

‘Okay, sweety…’ Mary said not very convinced.

That was all it took for Dean to be rushing out of the door.

His second encounter with Blue Eyes was just as awkward as the first, he just… stared until Blue Eyes noticed him and then he had to go and buy another piece of unknown cheese from him.

That whole week Dean woke up early, grabbed his bike, and went to the park.

Their encounters were slightly less awkward, but that was probably because Blue Eyes had grown used to having Dean staring at him at some point in the morning.

He just couldn’t stop, he went home everyday with a smile on his face. He  _ had _ to keep seeing those blue eyes looking at him, so he kept going.

**~**

Dean ran down-stairs and grabbed his keys.

‘Dean?’ Mary said when she heard him ‘Where are you-?

‘Market!’ he answered quickly as he approached the door.

‘But-!’

Dean didn’t even hear her, he was already outside of the house.

Mary looked at her husband, John, but he just looked back at her raising his shoulders.

‘What are we going to do with all that cheese?’ she asked.

  
  
  


Dean’s bike shook against the cobblestones of the streets, he pedaled faster.

He had never been late before. In all the days he had been going to the park, he had never arrived this late. It was almost noon, and the Market was about to end.

He wouldn’t get to see Blue Eyes.

A strange feeling run through him at the realization, maybe he was being a little bit creepy? Why would the thought of not being able to see someone for  _ one day _ hurt him so much?

Was he developing an obsession?

Maybe... Did he actually cared? Not so much. 

It wasn’t like he was planning on kidnapping Blue Eyes, he just… There was something about him that attracted Dean, he couldn’t stop thinking about him, and didn’t even know the guy’s name.

He went as fast as he could, but when he arrived to the park the tables were almost completely clean, and not half the people that was usually there were around.

‘Fuck’ he whispered.

He was about to go away disappointed when he saw someone kneeling by the park’s fountain. He couldn’t see his face, but he saw a wooden wheelbarrow filled with bags of grain and a red bike next to it.

He got closer, and by the time he saw the black hair he knew that was Blue Eyes.

Should he go talk to him? He seemed to be having some kind of problem with his wheelbarrow, maybe he could use some help?

His heart raced as he approached the fountain, was he sweating? Was it the summer heat or his nerves?  _ Why was he so nervous? _

Blue Eyes didn’t seem to notice his arrival at all.

‘Hey’ Dean said stopping in front of him.

The boy raised his head to look at him.

‘Oh’ he said ‘Hello’.

‘You uh… need some help with that?’

Blue Eyes looked down towards his red bike.

‘No, I just... hit that… thing that ties the wheelbarrow to the bike by accident and now it doesn’t fit.’

Dean watch as he grabbed the metal part that stuck out of the wood and tried to attach it to his bike.

‘I could fix it at home, but I need to get there first’ Blue Eyes said after giving up.

‘Hmm…’ Dean looked at his own bike ‘Why don’t you try it in mine?’ 

Blue Eyes raised an eyebrow at him. 

‘I could carry it for you’ he explained.

‘Oh, no, I couldn’t ask you to do that, my house is not exactly in town’

‘It wouldn’t be a problem, really’ Dean smiled towards the boy.

For the first time since he had met him, Blue Eyes smiled at him. It was perfect.

The way his eyes brightened up as he looked at him was beautiful.

Dean reached for the metal bar and moved it towards his own bike.

‘Nice bike’ Blue Eyes said as he ran his finger through the silver  _ 67  _ that was at side of the handle.

‘Thanks’ Dean said grinning as he tried to attach the bar at the back of his black bike. He knew it was a nice bike, his father had got her for him and he loved her, she was his baby.

At the third try Dean managed to make the bar fit.

‘Well, looks like I’m going with you’

Blue eyes smiled at him again and Dean felt his heart melt.

‘Thank you so much for doing this…’

‘Dean. Winchester’

‘Dean’ Blue Eyes repeated, as if he was tasting the name.

He got on his red bike with a little smile still on his face.

‘I’m Castiel, by the way, Castiel Novak’.

Castiel.

_ Huh, what a unique name. _


	2. Winter

The wind shook the empty tree branches making a whistling sound.

Dean wrapped his arms around himself, the cold made him shiver. The morning sun that usually warmed him was hidden behind a thick layer of clouds that made the sky look grey.

It was a calm morning. A very unsettling calm morning. 

No windows were opened, no kids were seen or heard laughing on the streets. It felt empty, as if Dean and the wind where the only inhabitants of the whole town.

But Dean knew that wasn’t the reason behind the emptiness, the lack of children or the sadness that overwhelmed him. Fear was the reason, people were scared. He was scared.

He started to see more people as he approached the school, but he didn’t stop or talked to anyone until he was already there. 

He didn’t notice, but as he got inside the school, the wind lifted off one of the many posters that were stuck on the entire school, actually, on the entire town.

Not many people noticed it as they got inside the school, so the piece of paper just stayed on the ground, with the big black letters printed on it:

_ MISSING _

Some of the posters that were stuck around the town said  _ Have you seen me? _ , others  _ Have you seen this boy? _

They all had a picture of Castiel on them.

**~**

People talked about it, in the halls, the classroom, at lunch. 

Suddenly everyone knew who Castiel Novak was. 

But they didn’t, not really. Dean  _ knew _ . 

He had heard all the theories, all the rumors and stories that people talked about, all the possible explanations for his disappearance, but none of them made any sense to him.

None of them sounded like Cas.

‘Dean?’

‘What?’ He said looking up. Ellen, the teacher, was looking at him from her desk with an eyebrow raised.

‘I said, are you with us?’ 

The whole class turned to look at him.

‘No uh… sorry’

Ellen took a deep breath.

‘Don’t worry, just stay here’ she said. Dean nodded.

But he couldn’t focus. He looked through the window, the woods could be seen not very far from the school. The longer he watched, the better he could picture the black haired boy walking out of there with his red bike at his side.

Maybe if he looked long enough he would actually see him.

His eyes travelled from tree to tree, but there was nothing there.

Everytime he looked at those woods he couldn’t help asking himself  _ why _ .

_ Why did you went in there? _

_ What did you see? What did you heard? _

He hadn’t found an answer so far, but he kept wondering.

What had drove Cas into going to those woods that night?

But more importantly:

_ Why didn’t you come back? _


	3. Summer

He followed Castiel as they both pedaled, the weight of the wheelbarrow was slowing him down a bit.

Castiel’s short hair waved with the wind, Dean didn’t took his eyes from him until he noticed the last houses of the town were behind him. In front of them, everything was countryside, clean areas of green grass until the forest that raised at the horizont.

There weren’t cobblestones under his wheels anymore, just plain dirt. The breeze compensated a little the heat of the midday sun as they kept moving forward and forward.

 _He does live far away after all,_ Dean thought.

They kept going at the same pace until they reached a bridge, it was an old stoned bridge, the Crying river ran underneath it. Or so he remembered from his geography class.

Castiel slowed down to cross it, he even stopped pedaling for a while, letting the wheels of his bike roll freely.

Dean looked around, the sight was quite pretty; the forest was much closer now, but he was still surrounded by clean fields, and, in the middle of all that nothing, the river ran making a soft sound.

‘We’re closer now’ Castiel said.

They kept going for another couple of minutes before a house appeared, it seemed so small surrounded by the enormous fields, and the forest behind it.

The walls were made of pale stone, there was a climbing plant that went all the way up to the second floor, Dean noticed one of the windows was open, a white curtain moved with the breeze.

‘You live here?’ he asked.

Castiel got down from his bike and left it next to the door.

‘Yeps’ he answered turning to face Dean ‘I told you it was a long way’

‘It’s beautiful’ 

Castiel smiled, his face was not shining with sweat, his chest was not going up and down as fast as Dean’s. How many times did he do that travel a day to be so used to it?

When Dean got down from his bike Castiel reached for the metal bar, taking it off with the wheelbarrow.

‘Thank you so much for doing this, Dean. I know it must have been exhausting to carry this all the way.’

‘No problem, Cas’

Castiel turned to look at him with half a smile.

‘Cas?’

‘Yeah uh…’ Dean scratched the back of his head ‘Castiel is a nice name but kinda long, right? So… Cas’.

Cas laughed a little.

‘It’s okay, I like it’

His laugh was also precious, a warm feeling appeared inside his chest for knowing he was the one who had made him laugh.

He took a deep breath, he wanted to stay there looking at Cas forever, but still he forced himself to say:

‘Well, _Cas_ , I guess I better get going now’

Cas lost his smile, instead he looked at him almost with the same puppy eyes Sam made.

‘Oh no, wait. Stay for lunch, it’s the least I can do, and you would roast if you went all the way back to the town under the sun again’

Dean would never be able to say no to those eyes.

‘I could stay if you don’t mind, but I need to call home’

Cas nodded and led him to the door, as soon as he opened it the smell made Dean’s stomach roar. Something was being baked, it reminded Dean of how his kitchen smelled when his mother baked pie.

‘Mom! I’m home!’ Cas shouted.

Dean looked around, the walls inside the house were also made of stone, there was a sofa and a couple of chairs surrounding a small wooden coffee table. Behind it, a fireplace with a couple of pictures on top of it. Dean could tell most of them were from when Cas was a child.

‘Here’ Cas said next to a small table under one the windows, there was a green rotary dial phone on it ‘It’s kind of old, you know how to dial on it?’

Dean nodded as he picked up the phone but the door at the other side of the room opened making them turn.

‘How was your—?’

‘Mom’ Cas interrupted her, she stopped walking when she saw Dean ‘this is Dean, he’s going to stay for lunch, if that’s okay.’

‘Oh! Yes, yes that’s fine’ she said smiling at Dean, then she looked at Cas ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were bringing a friend with you? I could have cooked something fancier… Oh God’ she looked at a couple of flour stains on her dress and tried to shake them off ‘I’m sorry, I was making bread…’

‘It’s okay’ Dean said smiling.

She was about the same high as Cas, her hair was a light shade of brown and she had blue eyes, just like Cas’, but she also had two purple bags under them.

‘Well, I’ll go add another place on the table then’

She disappeared inside the wooden door again.

**~**

‘This is very good’ Dean said before eating another mouthful of pasta.

‘I’m glad you like it’ Mrs Novak said ‘Not everybody likes homemade food’

Dean certainly did. The pasta, the sauce, the bread, everything had been made by her, and couldn’t think of a better meal he had ever had.

They were sat around a weathered wood table in the kitchen, most of the things in the house looked as if Cas and his mother had made them themselves, Dean found it charming. When he looked through the window behind Mrs Novak, he could see the woods at the distance, it was beautiful.

Cas chuckled when Dean shoved more bread into his mouth.

‘Are you from the town?’ Mrs Novak asked, Dean nodded quickly ‘Good, Castiel doesn’t have any others friends there’

‘Mom!’ Cas said frowning at her.

‘It’s true though! It’s nice to know that after going there for all those weeks you finally got to know somebody’.

‘You had never been there before?’ Dean asked.

‘Very few times’ Cas said ‘My mother used to sell at the Market, not me.’

‘And you met at the market?’ Mrs Novak asked, Cas nodded and then her face lit up ‘Oh, wait! You are the cheese boy, aren’t you?’

‘What?’

Cas laughed and looked down.

‘Castiel told me about you! You buy our cheese everyday’

‘Oh- Uh, I… yeah, I do… it’s good’ he felt his face getting hot, blood rushed to his cheeks.

‘Tell me, how’s Castiel doing in the market? Is he treating my clients nicely?’

‘Mom’ Cas said before Dean could answer, he chuckled a little ‘Stop, you’re making him uncomfortable’.

‘No, uh, Cas is great, he’s very kind’

Cas smiled at him.

**~**

Dean helped Cas and his mother to wash the dishes, and then they talked a little more about the town. He learned that Cas studied at a rural school that was a little far from there, but it was smaller and calmer than the town’s high school.

They talked about Dean’s family a little bit, his father’s job as a mechanic, his mother’s perfect pie.

Dean liked the place, Cas’ mom was a really nice woman, and the whole house had a peaceful air that made him never want to leave. Eventually, of course, he had to listen to all the lessons his mother had gave him and decided that it was time to stop abusing of being the guest, so he said he had to go.

‘It was a pleasure to meet you’ Mrs Novak said opening the door for him.

‘Pleasure’s mine’ he answered before going out, Cas followed.

Outside, the sky was already turning pink, the heat wasn’t as intense as before.

He could hear birds singing at the distance, even if he lived in a small town, he had never felt this calm before.

‘You sure you know your way home?’ Cas asked ‘Don’t you want me to accompany you to the town?’

‘I’m fine’ he said picking his bike ‘I just need to get to that bridge and then to the left and keep going until I’m home.’

He sat on his bike seat when he felt Cas’ hand at his shoulder.

‘Dean’ when he turned, those big blue eyes were looking straight at him ‘Thank you, really’

‘No problem, Cas’ he said with a smile.

‘And thank you for putting up with my mom’

‘She’s lovely’

Cas laughed.

 _You’re lovely_ He wanted to say. Instead, he said:

‘You’ve got her eyes’


	4. Winter

He wished he had said what he was really thinking. 

He kept remembering all these moments, all the things he could have said or done differently. Would they have changed anything? Maybe not, maybe Dean would only have less regrets. 

Deep inside, he knew that all those little details weren’t  _ that _ important, but that didn’t keep him from wondering, if he had done things differently, would Cas be there right now? With him?

_ Maybe they were important. _

_ Maybe they were important for you, Cas. _

The bell rang, taking him out of his thoughts. He did that a lot lately, getting inside of his head. Reliving memories, thinking of everything that could have gone another way.

He wasn’t sure why he did that, perhaps he thought that going through his memories with Cas would help him find something, a clue, a weird detail,  _ anything _ that could help him understand.

So far, he hadn’t.

That was his last class of the day, he didn’t feel his usual happiness for getting out of school. He just grabbed his stuff and headed out.

The cold hit him when he walked through the high school’s main door, he rushed to his bike, wishing to be warm and at home already.

**~**

Dean had just turned the TV on when he heard the door open.

‘Hey, Sammy!’ he greeted.

‘Hey, Dean’ he answered leaving his backpack on the couch; he sat next to his older brother.

Dean frowned, for months now Jess had been coming home with Sam from school, they did homework together and played for a while, but no one entered the house after Sam.

‘Where’s Jess?’ he asked.

‘Her mother wanted her to go straight home after class’ Sammy said sounding a little disappointed.

‘Why is that?’

Sam looked a little hesitant before answering.

‘You know... the whole Cas… thing. She’s just scared’

_ Everyone is _ he thought.

‘Go say hi to mom’ he said changing the subject quickly. Sam obeyed immediately, both of them knew the real reason Dean wanted him away.

The whole town was terrified with Cas’ case. He had never heard of anything remotely like that happening there, the town was always wrapped on a feeling of safety and peace.

Not anymore.

When the news of Cas’ disappearance where spread, everyone expected the police to find him in the next day or so, lost in the woods and scared. But a day passed, and then another day passed, and a week, and the police had nothing besides the red bike they had found at the entrance of the woods the day after Cas went missing.

That was all they had. All Dean had. A bike dropped next to a tree.

No clues. No reasons.

No goodbyes.

So people were scared, because the more time that passed, the less they expected him to appear. No one knew what had happened but no one wanted it to be repeated.

The streets emptied after the sun went down. Fear could be sensed at every home where the door was double-checked before going to sleep.

As time went on, Dean heard more and more throughout the town that the police wasn’t really looking for Castiel anymore. They were looking for his body.

Dean couldn’t believe them, because he  _ knew _ Cas was coming back. He had to.

Even so, he couldn’t deny that Cas disappearing on his own didn’t make any sense.

So what if someone _made_ him disappear?


	5. Summer

The morning after having lunch with Castiel, Dean arrived at the market as soon as it opened.

Sellers were still arranging their stalls, so he wasn’t very surprised when he saw Cas’ was still empty.

He waited next to his bike, tapping his fingers on the handle. Humming some song he heard on the radio.

The Market had completely raised before him a couple of minutes after, but Cas’ stall was never occupied.

He kept waiting until the Market had almost closed, looking at the other stalls, just in case, but Cas wasn’t there.

When he finally gave up, he grabbed his bike and headed back home. It was a bit disappointing, of course. He had really had a great time the day before, he felt this weird connection with Cas…

He had kind of hoped Cas had felt the same way.

His mother had asked him to buy bread on his way home, so he stopped next to Mr Johann’s bakery and got out of his bike.

As soon as his hand reached for the door his eyes met with the prettiest blue he had ever seen.

‘Cas?’ 

‘Dean!’ he said getting of the bakery, carrying a paper bag ‘It’s very nice to see you’

‘You weren’t at the park today’ he didn’t mean to say it so harshly, it just came out that way. Cas offered him a smile anyway.

‘I had very busy morning today’ he explained ‘I’m sorry if you wanted to buy something’

‘It’s okay, I just… was surprised not to see you there’

Cas scratched his arm and looked down for a second before looking at Dean again. Cas was a little shorter than him, so he had to look up to see his eyes.

‘You seem to know the town  _ way _ better than I do’ he started ‘and I was wondering… do you know where could I get a bottle? A baby bottle?’

Dean blinked.

‘What?’

Had he heard alright? Did Cas have a little brother? Why didn’t he tell him yesterday?

‘Um… we have a baby lamb, at home, so I was wondering if you could tell me where to buy a baby bottle? You know, to feed him?’

_ Oh. _

_ That’s… cute. _

‘Uh, you could try the pharmacy, I guess’ he said.

Cas looked turned his head to look around.

‘And that would be where?’ he asked.

‘Oh, I can walk you there if you want’ 

Cas gave him a smile.

‘That would be very nice of you’

Dean smiled to him. 

‘This way’ he pointed before they started walking, Dean carried his bike by the handle.

The pharmacy wasn’t very far, so Dean walked slowly, giving him time to look at Cas, the way his dark hair contrasted with his skin, how his eyes kept going from one place to another.

He was beautiful. 

‘Still getting used to town?’ Dean asked.

‘Well, yes’ Cas chuckled ‘Is it that obvious?’

Dean smiled.

‘It’s your eyes. The way they look at everything, like you’re trying to remember everything’

Cas laughed a little.

‘So’ Dean said ‘Baby lamb? I didn’t know you had any animals’

‘Well, we only got one sheep, and her little lamb obviously. But she’s sick and won’t nurse him, so we’ll have to play  _ mother sheep _ ourselves’

Dean was the one to laugh at that.

‘Turn here’ he said going around the block ‘And ta-dah!’

The place was a small old house turned into pharmacy, Cas looked at it for a second before going inside, Dean followed him.

The chemist gave them a strange look when Cas asked for a baby bottle, but show them the ones they had anyway.

Dean smiled as Cas looked at the different bottles they had, he was so concentrated, his head tilted as he examined them. 

‘This one seems appropriate’ He said as he grabbed a bottle with little pale blue sheep drawn on it.

Dean smiled again at his choice.

_ You’re adorable _ he thought as Cas paid.

‘Well’ Cas said once they were out of the pharmacy ‘I need to get this home’ he said shaking his new plastic bag ‘Thank you so much, Dean, for helping me. You’re a great person’

Dean felt the blood rushing to his face, he took his eyes away from Cas’ trying not to show he had blushed, and then he noticed the emptiness surrounding Cas.

‘Wait’ he said looking around ‘Where’s your bike?’

‘Oh, I walked’

‘You  _ walked _ from your house to here?!’

Cas just nodded ‘And I’ll walk from here to my house’ he said simply.

‘But is so far! And—And you’re carrying stuff’

Cas lifted his bag from the bakery and the one from de pharmacy ‘It’s not very heavy, I’m fine’

‘Let me take you’ he said quickly as he got into his bike, Cas frowned at him.

‘How? There’s only room for one person, Dean’

Dean smiled and pointed at the handle ‘Sit on the handlebars’

Cas scratched the back of his head ‘Are you sure? You’ve already done much for me, I couldn’t ask you to carry me there also…’

‘I  _ insist _ ’

Cas shook his head with a smile on his lips and carefully climbed the handle of Dean’s bike.

‘Give me the bags’ he said and Cas handle them to him ‘Hold on tight’ he warned before he started pedaling.

**~**

Cas helped to direct Dean as they got out of the town, if Dean bent a little to the side he could see perfectly where they were going, but hearing Cas’ voice trying to help him was way more appealing.

When they left the last houses behind, they both stopped paying much attention to the road, Dean was enjoying their surroundings, the fresh air, the woods at the distance. Every once in a while, Cas would look to his side, admiring something about the view as Dean admired his profile.

The closer they got to Cas’s house, the more Dean could feel that strange but good calm he had felt the first time he was there.

They rode in silence for most of the way, though it wasn’t uncomfortable, it just felt natural to remain silent.

When they got to the stoned bridge, Dean was already breathing heavily. The sun was too harsh on his head, the weight of his and Cas’s body too much for his legs to keep carrying. Just as if Cas had read his mind, he asked him to stop.

‘Everything okay?’ Dean asked as Cas got down from the handlebars.

Cas nodded ‘Too hot to keep going, isn’t it?’ he said cleaning some sweat from his forehead.

Dean looked at the end of the bridge, there were a couple of trees that overshadowed the last part of the stones. ‘There’ he said ‘Let’s take a break’

He got out of his bike and carried it to the end of the bridge with Cas walking beside him. Cas sat on the border of the stone and let his legs hung towards the river, sliding them under the bridge’s wooden fence. Dean copied him and sat by his side.

The shadow was relieving, even if it was still hot.

They both looked at the river running under their feet for a while, until Cas took a deep breath and said:

“How come your parents don’t kill you for staying out so long?”

Dean laughed a little, wondering if that’s was kept Cas frowning as he looked at the river, questioning Dean’s life.

“My mom lets me stay out until lunchtime, and my dad comes from work pretty late, so we have a late lunchtime”

“My mother would kill me if she didn’t know where I was all that time”

“Your mother looks like a very caring person. Not that mine isn’t, but we’re more used to the town”

Cas nodded, he looked like he was looking at the water, but Dean could tell he wasn’t really paying attention to it.

“Cas” he said, heart pounding on his chest. He wanted to know more about Cas, he had so many questions, but was afraid to ask them “Why… uh… Why did you start going to town?”

Cas became stiff for a moment and looked down, when his eyes met with Dean’s, he knew he shouldn’t have asked.

“I… My mother used to go, but now… I rather she stays at home, there’s too much lifting to do, a long distance to walk, it’s too much for her”

Dean decided to simply nod and look away, to the river.

“She’s sick” Cas added.

“What?”

When Dean turned to him, Cas was looking down at his hanging feet.

“I don’t want you to think I’m controlling her or anything” he said softly “The reason why I don’t want her to do all those things is because I want to take care of her”

“Oh no Cas” he said quickly, trying to find his eyes “I would never think that”

Cas smiled slightly, his expression sank into Dean’s heart. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

He couldn’t think, his mind screamed at him to do something, to say something. That beautiful, wonderful boy was sad in front of him, and he couldn’t think of anything that would take that sadness away.

“I-I’m sorry to hear that she’s sick” he said. Cas just nodded.

“Well, that’s why I go to town now” He rubbed his eyes and sighed “God, I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean to tell you about my problems… I just… I don’t know anyone in town and I don’t have any friends—”

“You have me” Dean stopped him “I’m your friend”

“You barely even know me”

Dean made his best to smile despite his heart crying on his chest at the sight of Cas.

“That could be fixed, couldn’t it?”

Contained tears shined in Cas’s eyes when he smiled at Dean.

They smiled a lot at each other. Dean didn’t know what to think of that.

**~**

They continued on their way to Cas’s home shortly after that. Cas insisted on walking instead of letting Dean carry both of them, so Dean walked beside him as he pulled his bike.

He couldn’t tell how long it took for them to arrive at Cas’s house, he had spend all the way looking discreetly at the other boy.

_ Why do I feel this… thing inside my chest when I look at you? _

It was stupid question, but it helped him not to think about what was really worrying him:

_ Do you feel it when you look at me? _

“You’re staying for lunch, right?”

Dean blinked, getting thrown back into reality. They were already there, the stone house was just a couple of meters away.

He was about to answer when Cas saw the doubt on his face.

“I  _ insist _ ” he said before giving him a smile that Dean could never deny anything to.


	6. Winter

Dean wished he had listened to his mother before he left, it was freezing. The more he rushed on his bike to arrive sooner, the more the cold wind hitted his skin.

It was a relief for him when he saw the river, he was close.

But then he crossed the bridge. He couldn’t help looking at that spot, that piece of stone where he and Cas had sat many days ago. It felt like if he blinked, Cas would appear in front of him, sat with his feet hanging towards the river.

He had to look away. 

Too much had happened there.

Sometimes, he felt as if when he crossed that bridge, he could go back in time. The weather was still cold, the trees had lost their leaves, but the feeling of peace and calm was still there, like always.

He imagined if that would be the time when crossing that bridge would really take him back in time, and Cas would be waiting for him when reached his house. 

The thought was pushed away from his mind when he actually arrived. The old house was still there, but Dean could see the emptiness. Dean could  _ feel _ the emptiness.

It was quiet, as it always had been. But it wasn’t the same nice quiet as before.

He left his bike against the wall, careful not to crash the climbing plant with it, and he knocked on the door.

Dean waited, keeping his eyes on the ground, he had already learned that everywhere he looked at brought him a memory, probably one that should be happy, but somehow it wasn’t anymore.

After a couple of minutes he started to worry. He knocked again.

Nothing.

Slowly, he grabbed the door handle and tried to spin it. The door opened with a scratchy sound.

‘Mrs Novak?’ he asked.

No one answered.

Dean went in carefully, closing the door behind him quietly. 

‘Mrs Novak?’ he asked a little bit louder ‘It’s Dean’

Nothing.

He looked around, the house seemed empty. 

‘Hello—?’

A soft sound interrupted him. Then he spotted it, a pale hand hanging from the end of the sofa.

He approached it in large steps.

‘Mrs Novak’ he repeated.

She was lying on the couch, head thrown to the side as she slept, on of her hands fell to the floor, the other one was hugging a book closely to her chest.

Dean stared at her for a moment, trying to decide if he should wake her up or not. She was breathing steadily, heavily sleep. He could see the dark marks under her eyes, the unhealthy white tone of her skin, the hollow cheeks that once weren’t.

He would let her rest.

**~**

Dean washed the dishes that were left in the kitchen, he cleaned the floors, watered some of the plants… he wasn’t the best at doing any of those, but he tried.

Then he checked on Mrs Novak pills, she had left them on the table, and she still had enough of them for at least a couple of weeks more.

_ Knock _

Dean turned around raising his head.

_ Knock knock _

Something was hitting the kitchen’s back door.

He opened the wooden door carefully.

Nothing.

But then he heard a little sound and looked down.

He was greeted with two small eyes looking at him, the little animal stared as if he was waiting for a response.

‘Hey’ Dean said smiling, he reached down to touch the lamb’s white head ‘Someone looks hungry, uh, Cal?’

The lamb walked past him, into the kitchen. His steps sounded as he moved.

Dean avoided the little lamb as he opened the fridge, and grabbed the baby bottle with blue sheep drawn on it. 

Mrs Novak must have left it ready before she went to sleep.

‘Here you are, Cal’ he said pointing the bottle down towards him.

The lamb rushed to it and wrapped his mouth around it. Dean tensed his arm to keep the bottle from falling as the lamb sucked furiously.

‘You’re getting stronger’ Dean smiled as he tried to keep the bottle steady.

**~**

Mrs Novak was still asleep when he left. 

He was already on his bike when he turned to look at the house, and his eyes travelled behind it, to the woods.

Should he go? Maybe this time…?

No. He had been there on his own enough times since the red bike was found there. Without his owner.

But then again, he had to go, just in case, right?

He swallowed, a mixture of guilt, sadness and anger made him listen to his mind rather than his heart. So he started pedaling, leaving the house and the woods behind.

**~**

Dean laid on his bed that night, eyes staring at the ceiling in the darkness of his room.

How could he leave?

How could he not go into those woods?

Why didn’t he go to the one place where he could have found him?

He turned and lay on his side, wrapping himself with the blankets.

  
  


‘I’m sorry’ he whispered ‘I’m sorry, Cas. I’m sorry’

He felt the pressure on his chest before he buried his head on the pillow to silence his crying.

‘ _ I’m so sorry _ ’ he sobbed.

Dean wasn’t sure if he slept that night. All he could remember were the tears wetting his face and the shine of those blue eyes that stared at him inside his head.


End file.
